As life goes on

It's really ironic. 1 day I woke up told myself that it was easier to accept the fact that you lose someone close to you to death instead of lose them while they're alive. Well yea, I really believe that because when a person dies there wont be anything that you can do to bring him/her back, duncha' agree? I mean, since everyone's gotta die someday. Might as well accept it. It's very much different from someone leaving you when the both of you are alive and well. Later that day, when I was in tuition my tuition teacher showed us the movie trailer of 1408, and in the trailer this little girl said: "Everyone has to die, daddy". Wow, deja vu... Then after tuition, I went to my dad's gym when he called and told me my grandma had passed away that afternoon. Real coincidence for all that to happen.

In a few days time, it will be another month gone. January ends and February starts. Looking back to the events of this month, I realized that it definitely wasn't my best month. Losing 3 people close to you is really hard, even though I believe it could have been avoided somehow. Must be karma for being such a twisted person as the curtains fell on the year 2009. She was the first I person who left me this year. I don't know why, neither would she tell me the reason. She just cut all contact with me. She claims nothing happened, but why can't we even be friends now?

Following up on that was my best friend, Kasey. As y'all can see he posted some comments on my previous posts and all. Yea, that's him alright. Well anyway we sorta had an argument because he was pretty pissed with me getting all depressed and sad that she left me and said that I don't know anything about sadness and sorrow and that he knows so much and knows psychology very well because he reads all kinds of psychology books which teach you how to be happy and all of that (Yet he is almost never happy, so are those books bulljizz or what?). I related this story to Brian (an ex-classmate) and he asked me what on earth did kc had to be sad about since his family is rich and he gets most of the things he want. Yea really, the main reason why kc is always so depressed and sad is because he has never went through the hard life. Never been poor before, never been hungry before, and neither has he been spanked. That would have been the ideal life if you asked me, but I kinda found out that there's nothing to complain about my life. Yea, I mean I got whipped like crazy when I was a kid (sticks, short flagpoles, cane, PVC pipes, hmmm, anything else?) and my parents would rather see me dead than trust my word over others, but all those stuff creates character. I can still remember the time when my dad allowed me to sit down and explain what happened during an accident the previous night (that night he thought I was at fault and wouldn't listen). I was really touched, honestly. I might have broken down and cried if I couldn't control my emotions. That was one of the few times my dad had actually believed my word over these years. Face it, if kc's parents had trusted him in any matter, he would just take it for granted, and sulk when his parents doesn't trust him. I might have been a little harsh with kc that night, but he must know that life is not a bed of roses. He might inherit his dad's money and get a job and all, but he'll have to struggle unless he finally realizes the real world is not at all friendly. Well kc, better cool off soon and start living in the real world (I'm not the only one who believes he's living in a fantasy world. Almost all his friends think so).

After all those losing friends, I finally (and sadly) lost a relative. My grandma. Well we haven't been close to her these few years, but my cousins and I used to spend our holidays there sometimes. Throughout the wake we were talking about the times we had in her house, the things we did and played. All of them seem so far away. I really missed doing all those stuff I did as a kid.

The death of my grandma resurfaced another piece of my memory. After some re countable tales, I managed to dig up an idea of what I was like when I was a kid. Basically, I've never had the life of a normal kid. While my cousins were allowed to have fun like a normal kid (I mean climb around, roll in the sand and all those old school innocent fun instead of playing with the PSP and NDS like kids do these days), I was often kept in shape by my parents. The times when I was allowed to really have fun was when I stayed over at grandma's house with my cousins. When I played with them, I would be the tamest of them all, like hiding in very obvious places when playing hide and seek. Well, can't blame me. I was brought up the way city kids were brought up, holed up in their homes studying and reading books and all. It took years before I found out I had the heart of a village kid (I got it from my dad I think).

Through all these years I have really changed a lot. Starting from a quiet fat baby who did nothing but eat and sleep to a mischievous little brat who was the last thing from cunning and adventurous to a kid who didn't mind getting his fists dirty as long as it was necessary to a gentleman whom almost every girl claims to be the ideal boyfriend to an out-and-out playa who played around only with the top rated girls around the hood then finally, to a violent, heartless and twisted guy with a hunger of action, adrenaline and everything else that puts you on high (no drugs, thank you) and who's guilt and conscience seem to have slipped away a few weeks back. Guess some things always change. We'll see where life leads me to. But, even as my character has changed throughout the years, there is a fact that I realized is true after all. Last night my cousin read my palm and told me something which I predicted some time ago: I won't get married. Ah, no news to me. Not that I don't want to, in fact it would be great, but I guess I was fated to make that "proclaimation about the last 1" as she puts it...