Too lazy to think of a title

Saturday, 30th January 2010, 11:30. Exactly 1 week and 1 hour after I found out that she cut all contact from me. Sad case.

Anyway, today we went over to the crematorium to pick up my grandma's bones and put em' in an urn. After that we put her urn in the columbarium at Kek Lok Si temple. Here's a photo of the place. Got it from the net. It's not the part where my grandma is though...

So after that we went over to a vegetarian restaurant near Tune Hotel to eat. The food was not bad. Had a bowl of ang chow mee sua and a stick of satay, then shared 4 plates of pasta and 1 bowl of ice cream (3 scoops) with my sisters. Of course I had most of it. Really satisfying meal. There were like 20 of us and the restaurant workers kinda messed up our orders and we just ate and ate and ate until we were satisfied. Pheww... Here's a pic of us:

KC will definitely kill me for not getting him a pic of my cuz whom he claims to have a crush on. Well I must admit I kinda noticed that she's quite good looking. But not as cute as my girl XD

Interesting fact here KC: Her birthday is on Valentines Day. Lets see if he'll read this and chalk up something. But he's gotta be less insipid if he's ever going to hit on my cousin -.-

In other news, life has really been hard for me. I try not to think about her most of the time but it just comes back and bites me every now and then. I know, I know, time will heal everything. But that's only if you allow it to. I don't want to forget her, nor do I want anyone to replace her. So I doubt time will heal my wounds. I wish there is something I can do that can make it right, do something which can bring back the days that we both left behind. I really miss seeing her text message every morning, miss the times where we fall asleep on each other every night midway through our text messages, miss going out with her, miss chatting with her, talking with her and everything added together. Now she is just a memory, a memory that I would never want to forget.

Well that's all. Got a reiki course tomorrow. My mum tuned my chakra this afternoon and my palms are kinda flowing with chi now.

Some random post

Grandma's funeral was today. Missed tuition because by the time the ceremony finished tuition had already started. But nevermind, it's just one class, I'm bound to catch up somehow.

Yesterday my aunt did some fortune telling with my birth date. Our cousins also had theirs calculated. This was her comment on the results:"Don't be fool by TerFu's quiet appearance. He's quite a talker and can even lure a bird down from the tree with his talking. He is very generous, and is willing to lend money to anyone who wants to borrow. He is also a good planner and lays out plans of what he will do next."

Wow, pretty accurate. I must say I'm starting to believe all this stuff lol.

In other news:
Wonder why I decided to type stuff in this blog. No one visits it, no one reads the stuff in here and no one comments in it. Plus, not many people know about it and will usually turn away when they see the "Warning age 18 and above only" page which I put up on purpose.

Boring -.-

As life goes on

It's really ironic. 1 day I woke up told myself that it was easier to accept the fact that you lose someone close to you to death instead of lose them while they're alive. Well yea, I really believe that because when a person dies there wont be anything that you can do to bring him/her back, duncha' agree? I mean, since everyone's gotta die someday. Might as well accept it. It's very much different from someone leaving you when the both of you are alive and well. Later that day, when I was in tuition my tuition teacher showed us the movie trailer of 1408, and in the trailer this little girl said: "Everyone has to die, daddy". Wow, deja vu... Then after tuition, I went to my dad's gym when he called and told me my grandma had passed away that afternoon. Real coincidence for all that to happen.

In a few days time, it will be another month gone. January ends and February starts. Looking back to the events of this month, I realized that it definitely wasn't my best month. Losing 3 people close to you is really hard, even though I believe it could have been avoided somehow. Must be karma for being such a twisted person as the curtains fell on the year 2009. She was the first I person who left me this year. I don't know why, neither would she tell me the reason. She just cut all contact with me. She claims nothing happened, but why can't we even be friends now?

Following up on that was my best friend, Kasey. As y'all can see he posted some comments on my previous posts and all. Yea, that's him alright. Well anyway we sorta had an argument because he was pretty pissed with me getting all depressed and sad that she left me and said that I don't know anything about sadness and sorrow and that he knows so much and knows psychology very well because he reads all kinds of psychology books which teach you how to be happy and all of that (Yet he is almost never happy, so are those books bulljizz or what?). I related this story to Brian (an ex-classmate) and he asked me what on earth did kc had to be sad about since his family is rich and he gets most of the things he want. Yea really, the main reason why kc is always so depressed and sad is because he has never went through the hard life. Never been poor before, never been hungry before, and neither has he been spanked. That would have been the ideal life if you asked me, but I kinda found out that there's nothing to complain about my life. Yea, I mean I got whipped like crazy when I was a kid (sticks, short flagpoles, cane, PVC pipes, hmmm, anything else?) and my parents would rather see me dead than trust my word over others, but all those stuff creates character. I can still remember the time when my dad allowed me to sit down and explain what happened during an accident the previous night (that night he thought I was at fault and wouldn't listen). I was really touched, honestly. I might have broken down and cried if I couldn't control my emotions. That was one of the few times my dad had actually believed my word over these years. Face it, if kc's parents had trusted him in any matter, he would just take it for granted, and sulk when his parents doesn't trust him. I might have been a little harsh with kc that night, but he must know that life is not a bed of roses. He might inherit his dad's money and get a job and all, but he'll have to struggle unless he finally realizes the real world is not at all friendly. Well kc, better cool off soon and start living in the real world (I'm not the only one who believes he's living in a fantasy world. Almost all his friends think so).

After all those losing friends, I finally (and sadly) lost a relative. My grandma. Well we haven't been close to her these few years, but my cousins and I used to spend our holidays there sometimes. Throughout the wake we were talking about the times we had in her house, the things we did and played. All of them seem so far away. I really missed doing all those stuff I did as a kid.

The death of my grandma resurfaced another piece of my memory. After some re countable tales, I managed to dig up an idea of what I was like when I was a kid. Basically, I've never had the life of a normal kid. While my cousins were allowed to have fun like a normal kid (I mean climb around, roll in the sand and all those old school innocent fun instead of playing with the PSP and NDS like kids do these days), I was often kept in shape by my parents. The times when I was allowed to really have fun was when I stayed over at grandma's house with my cousins. When I played with them, I would be the tamest of them all, like hiding in very obvious places when playing hide and seek. Well, can't blame me. I was brought up the way city kids were brought up, holed up in their homes studying and reading books and all. It took years before I found out I had the heart of a village kid (I got it from my dad I think).

Through all these years I have really changed a lot. Starting from a quiet fat baby who did nothing but eat and sleep to a mischievous little brat who was the last thing from cunning and adventurous to a kid who didn't mind getting his fists dirty as long as it was necessary to a gentleman whom almost every girl claims to be the ideal boyfriend to an out-and-out playa who played around only with the top rated girls around the hood then finally, to a violent, heartless and twisted guy with a hunger of action, adrenaline and everything else that puts you on high (no drugs, thank you) and who's guilt and conscience seem to have slipped away a few weeks back. Guess some things always change. We'll see where life leads me to. But, even as my character has changed throughout the years, there is a fact that I realized is true after all. Last night my cousin read my palm and told me something which I predicted some time ago: I won't get married. Ah, no news to me. Not that I don't want to, in fact it would be great, but I guess I was fated to make that "proclaimation about the last 1" as she puts it...

Back again - from hell

Well it's been some time since I last posted something in my blog. Too busy to blog these days. Just imagine: Pre-U student, top athlete and president of 3 clubs by day, fighter by night, and prominent gamer on weekends. All that practically sucks up almost all the free time I have. Yea, I'm not denying that I do have free time, but it's usually either at the expense of all those stuff or when I cut short my sleeping hours, which I badly need since I use so much energy. Well it wouldn't be that bad in the future I guess. Not that I'd be able to blog regularly or anything, but at least I can concentrate on my training and studies and also my gaming, since I've already decided to not have any love life. It's just not worth all the pain and sorrow that I go through, won't wanna torture myself anymore.

Well just in case you where wondering what I'm talking about, here's a little re-cap on what happened since I last blogged:

I met this girl who studies in the same college as KC and just so happen to be a very good friend of Yen Ping's (FYI, YP is my classmate and sits beside me in class). It all started when I asked KC if he wanted to meet me after my MUET test and he said he was gonna show me around the campus and meet up with Dan and Shan (Who are, for your information, my ex-classmates).

But once I reached campus I got "kidnapped" by KC (that's the way he said it) and shoved into a silver Proton Saga and taken to Gurney. It wasn't that bad actually, except that the driver was that girl and I kinda told KC all the "grandma stories" (that's what she calls em') about her which Yen Ping told me in class and KC had previously told me that she was gonna bitch slap me. After that we kinda chatted online for a few times then she asked for my number. Then one thing led to another and we were kinda texting everyday and so and so. The other details aren't of any importance for y'all anyway. Well so I kinda fell for her and so and so and she found out and was cool with it. It didn't really affect our friendship and we were still texting each other everyday and even planned a few outings that we'd go on once our holidays ended (seems weird eh? People go out during the hols, but FYI, it's much easier to hang out after class and so and so). But one day, one day after the new year, she just vanished. Poof. Well it's not really that dramatic, but she just started treating me coldly. I don't know why, might be because she's acting under her mum's orders (Met her mum before, been in both her mum's bad books and good books, but I don't know where I stand now. According to her, her mum doesn't even care about me) or she could be just pulling out because she just got tired of entertaining me. Well either way she just started replying my text messages hostilely and so and so...

That's not so bad actually. I wanted to just act dumb and just continue to text her from time to time. I mean, we might patch up eventually. But something happened last night, 22 days after she decided to give me the cold shoulder, 3 months and 3 days after I met her - I was blocked from her facebook. Whatever that made her do that, I would never know. But all I know is that life hasn't been as kind on my private life as it has been on other aspects of my life. Yet, what happened last night was utterly unbearable.

I could still remember there was once I got her into huge trouble with her parents (I really mean HUGE. I was even summoned to meet her parents to explain the situation and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera), I felt so guilty and decided to break all contact with her because I was really ashamed of what I did (no we didn't have sex or anything like that. Don't get any ideas). So I kinda switched off my phone most of the day and check it occasionally in the middle of the night. She somehow managed to get me one night (I received loads of miscalls from her workplace and her home). She kinda said she felt hurt with the way I was avoiding her. Thinking back I wonder if she ever meant whatever she said, that she'd hate to lose me as a friend, that she cared about me. I feel like a loser, having been wrapped around her finger and played with all this while. I'm not complaining about the attention she gave me last year, but she could have done better than make a 180 degree turn after all that and leave me all by myself.
Well, I do hope our paths will cross one day. I once made a proclaimed that you will be the last girl I hit on, since you initiated a bet whether or not I'd stick to it, I'd like to tell you that the bet is still on, and I won't lose the bet. Hopefully our friendship will foster when we meet again. Just like you said, we never know what will happen in the future.